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Post By Manga Shoggoth Sun Jul 10, 2005 at 07:33:08 am EDT |
Subject
The Lady's not for Chasing - another offering from HH's Attic. | |
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Five figures sat round the table. There was everything to play for, and there could only be one winner.
Schf-schf-schf-thriiiip-slapslapslapslapslaplaplaplaplaplaplaplaplaplap
Hatman picked up his ten cards. He leaned back in his chair, pushing his stetson back across his head with one finger, in what he hoped was a confident mood. The hat wasn't giving him the edge he had hoped for (apart from the improved shuffling and dealing technique), and he desperately wanted a cheroot.
The Manga Shoggoth carefully maneuvered its cards in position, trying not to get slime on them. Simple though the game was in concept, the Shoggoth was determined to play it well.
Dancer picked up her ten cards with the air of someone confident in their luck. She felt that her opponents insisting on having her ankles tied to the chair was a little fair, but she felt that she could rise above it.
Epitome looked at his cards with some distaste. They had already removed two cards from the deck (the two of clubs and diamonds, to be precise). The only good thing about this game was that it didn't appear to use a joker.
Speaking of Jokers, CSFB! applied himself to the cards with the enthusiasm that only the personification of chaos can bring. Besides, this game was supposed to be about chasing girls, where he felt he had an advantage.
Xander wasn't there.
Each player reviewed his, her or its cards, thoughtfully selected three of them, and then passed them one place to the left. There was much muttering as each player considered the impact the new cards would have on their respective strategies. Gamesmanship may have been employed.
"It's your lead." Hatman prompted the Shoggoth.
Remind me how you play this game again... bubbled the Shoggoth uncertainly.
With some reserve, the queen of hearts was placed on the table. Dancer ducked this with a jack, Epitome discarded the queen of spades (and managed to hide a smirk), CSFB! played the ace of hearts (with a big smirk) and Hatman played the king of hearts with obvious relief.
"Ha!. 105 points are mine!", CSFB! exulted. "Eat that, tightass."
"I think you will find that the idea is avoid gathering points." Epitome pointed out calmly. "A score of 105 in one hand is hardly a good start."
This is probably not a good time to be in chaos mode. Noted the Manga Shoggoth.
CSFB! played the remainder of the hand in silence. What probably made it worse was winning the remaining hearts except for the two, which Epitome won with a barely concealed smirk.
Slurp-slurp-slurp-slurpslurpslurpslurpslurpslurpslurpslurpslurp
The players picked up the new hands.
"Ah, the mysterious fifth suit." said Dancer, as she gathered the cards together and reshuffled them. "Perhaps we should leave the shuffling and dealing to the normal people."
"And CSFB!" added Epitome.
CSFB! and the Shoggoth maintained a rather sulky silence as Dancer dealt the cards.
Schf-schf-schf-thriiiip-thriiiip-slapslapslapslapslaplaplaplaplaplaplaplaplaplap
This time, the cards arrived in front of each player in a neat stack. The players picked up the cards and began the second hand - although CSFB! noted that what he had was not so much a hand as a foot.
"Can I pass all ten of these?" he asked hopefully.
"I don't want to pass any of these." Dancer mourned. Probability powers may help you get a good hand, but they aren't all that good if you have to give some of it away afterwards.
Cards were passed (two places to the left this time). More gamesmanship was employed. The four of clubs was led.
Ah, the card of doom. observed the Shoggoth, in a tone more appropriate for, say, a Temple rather than a card.
"What do you mean?" queried Dancer.
You'll see...
And indeed, Dancer picked up the two significant queens and the ace. The Shoggoth played the only other club.
"Well, that's Dancer usefully kippered." said CSFB! as Dancer unwisely led clubs again, and this time took possession of an unwanted king, jack and ten. He spread the joy by winning the next lead, gaining a few points and then losing the lead back to Dancer. The remainder of the hand was reduced to a dumping exercise.
Epitome dealt the next hand. He looked at this conglomeration of cards with some distaste, and passed the three highest cards he held to the Shoggoth.
Ah, Christmas. It noted. It then proceeded to win each of the tricks and attempted to halve its own score. It took the other players quite some time to explain why that wasn't a good idea.
The game went on...and on...and on.
Until it was trumped by the Emergency Alarm.
Footnotes:
Gamesmanship is the art of winning without actually cheating. The term comes from the books by Stephen Potter, and were best realised in a film called "School for Scoundrels".
Black Lady, or Chase the Lady is the card game on which Microsoft Hearts is based (Microsoft have somewhat softened the rules in Hearts).
The group HH, Xander and I are in play this game quite frequently and most of the dialogue in this piece comes from the various code phrases we use in the game - there is one exception which was supplied by HH's daughter. Oh yes, Infrequent Aardvark supplied the title.
Naturally, we have our own variation of the rules that go as follows:
...Oh yes. In our group the four of clubs is referred to as the "card of doom" because it is a neutral suit that is frequently the one that players try to void. Thus, you play it as a low card to lose the initial lead and end up picking up points because one other person has a lower club and the rest have voided clubs and so can start dumping scoring cards. If no players are void in a suite, the four is the highest card you can play and still guarantee losing the lead.
Usual request for comments on any aspect of the story - the usual trailer is not available as I am using someone elses PC.
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